The Power of Being With

Before you read another word, pause. Take one slow breath. Close the other tabs. Put your phone face down. Let this be a moment of practice, not a moment of multitasking. Because this is about presence.

This past weekend, I was at a retreat focused on breath work and meditation. I always love returning to the seat of the student to not only become more grounded, but also more aware and learn new practices. What struck me most was not any one specific technique. It was the quality of presence in the room. The stillness. The depth of listening. The way people were simply being with one another by the end of our three days together. 

One of the practices we did was sitting across from another person, looking into their eyes in complete silence. No talking. No nervous laughter. No explanation. Just being. At first, it felt vulnerable. Almost too intimate. I noticed my impulse to soften it with a smile, to break the silence. But as I stayed, something shifted. My heart softened, and then I could feel her energy. I sensed her tenderness, her strength, even her fear and sadness. I felt only love and understanding. There was no transaction happening. No agenda. Just shared humanity.

It was deeply tender and surprisingly powerful- simply being. 

When I came home, I wanted to explore that quality of presence in my own way. So this morning during meditation, I lit a candle and committed to simply being with the flame for thirty minutes. No mantra. No striving or goal. Just presence “Being with.”

If I am honest, I could barely hold my attention on that flame for fifteen seconds.

My mind drifted immediately to meetings I have this week, PowerPoint slides that need refining, emails waiting to be answered, and the quiet hum of productivity whispering that I should be doing something more useful. I would catch myself planning, anticipating, and managing. Then I would gently return to the flame.

Again and again and again. As I sat there, it became clear. If I struggle to stay present with a candle, how often am I not fully present with the people in my life? Yikes! 

In the workplace, especially during my years in corporate, I often wanted something from others. A yes. Agreement. A sale. Completion of a task or to get my point across.  Even when I was listening, an agenda hummed beneath the surface. I was leaning forward toward an outcome. I was not simply being with them.

How often do we do that at home as well? With our children. With our spouses. Sitting across from someone physically, yet internally rehearsing our next sentence or scanning our phone. We are together, but not truly with each other.

Later that day, I visited my mom. She has advanced Alzheimer’s. We sat outside in the warm sun. There was no meaningful conversation. No long stories. Just the breeze moving through the trees and the quiet sounds around us. I noticed how fully present she was. She is not replaying the past. She is not planning the future. She is simply here.

And something softened in me.

The eye practice at the retreat. The candle flame. Sitting with my mom. They were all pointing to the same truth.

Presence is about allowing.

In leadership, presence changes everything. When you are fully with someone, they feel it. They feel seen. They feel valued. They feel safe enough to lean in. So often, we believe leadership is about strategy, persuasion, or having the right answer. But what if one of the most powerful leadership skills is simply being with another human being without needing something from them? Imagine walking into your next meeting and practicing this. Not scanning for what you can gain, but witnessing. Listening without preparing your response. Seeing the person across from you as fully human. Even virtually, slowing down enough to notice their tone, their posture, their energy.

Perhaps people would trust more. Perhaps collaboration would deepen. Perhaps results would improve not because we pushed harder, but because our energy was no longer grasping or striving.

Presence is simple. But it is not easy. 

It requires intention. It requires putting the phone down. It requires noticing when the mind drifts and gently coming back.

So today, I invite you to try something small. In your next conversation, be with the other person as if they were the candle flame. Steady. Worthy of your attention. Nothing to fix. Nothing to extract.

Just being.

And see what shifts. 

With heart,