I’ve been blessed to have chickens in my life for over five years now, and they’ve become some of my greatest teachers. Each time I step into their coop, I’m still surprised by how their feathers bristle, the fluffy feathers on the back of their necks rising whenever I bend down to give them a gentle pet. Instead of responding to my affection with a coo, they greet me with a sort of purr mixed with a high-pitched growl. It's clear: they are bothered, annoyed, not exactly welcoming the love I’m trying to offer.
This got me thinking—how often do we, as humans, react the same way? When I’m irritated or frustrated, do my metaphorical feathers go up too, pushing away the people who genuinely want to offer support or kindness? I suspect the answer is a resounding yes.
So, How Do We Keep Our Feathers Smooth?
Imagine how different life would feel if nothing had the power to bother you. No zingers, no harsh words, no spiteful comments could penetrate your peace. How freeing would that be?
I’ve noticed lately that things that once would have sent me spiraling no longer have that hold over me. When my mom makes a cutting remark or a client’s feedback stings a bit, it just doesn’t hit the same way it used to. I’ve learned to let these moments slide off my back like water on a duck's feathers.
But it wasn’t always this way.
I vividly remember an experience about 15 years ago. I had just finished a challenging meeting with a major bank client (names withheld to protect the innocent) during the financial crisis. As we delivered the difficult news, it didn’t go as smoothly as I’d hoped. Walking towards our separate gates at the airport afterward, an SVP I deeply respected gave me feedback that felt like a knife to the chest. The words replayed in my mind for days. I was devastated, obsessively replaying the conversation, wishing I could have shown up differently.
Why did it affect me so deeply?
Because I let it. I chose to hold on, to ruminate, to let his words define how I saw myself in that moment.
Choosing a Different Response
These days, I approach life differently. I’m more aware when things start to bother me, and I make a conscious choice to not let my feathers get ruffled—at least not for long.
Just the other night, my husband and I found ourselves in one of those disagreements that could have easily escalated into a full-blown argument. His response to a question I asked felt like a sharp jab, and I could feel my defenses rising. I was ready to fire back, to defend my stance. But instead, I took a deep breath. A wiser part of me whispered, “Slow down. Listen. There’s something valuable here if you’re willing to see it.”
And there it was—a moment of clarity. His words pointed me toward an old, unconscious belief still lodged inside me, a place where I wasn’t truly free. By slowing down and choosing to really listen, I recognized it as a chance to grow. Instead of reacting, I chose to learn. I chose to let it go.
But here’s the truth: it takes conscious effort. It’s a choice we have to make repeatedly, moment by moment. It’s a practice, but it’s one that’s been profoundly freeing for me. My response that night radically differed from how I would have reacted one, five, or ten years ago. And that’s proof that this practice works.
Embracing Peace in Everyday Moments
I’m sharing this because I know how much relief is available when we slow down and become more aware of our reactions. My chickens may always bristle when they feel threatened or annoyed, but we have a choice as humans. Even when it feels like the world is pressing in on us—whether it’s a harsh comment, a stressful work situation, or even the results of an election we don’t agree with—we can choose a different response. We can choose to be with what’s happening rather than resisting it.
So, as we head into the holiday season, a time that can easily ruffle even the calmest among us, I invite you to practice letting go. Don’t let the small stuff—or even the big stuff—get under your skin. Smooth your feathers, take a deep breath, and embrace what is.
After all, peace isn’t about changing what’s happening around us; it’s about choosing not to be rattled by it.
Sending you love, calm, and unruffled feathers this season.
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