What's Going On In There?

Have you ever found yourself deep in an argument… in your head? 

Not with a real person, not out loud, but in a full-blown mental battle with an entire cast of characters—siblings, parents, partners, bosses, or even strangers? I know I have.

For years, I spent far too much time locked in these mental showdowns, playing out conversations that never actually happened. I’d defend my position, anticipate their counterattack, and prepare my crushing rebuttal. The emotions felt as real as if the conversation were happening in real-time—tight chest, racing heart, heat rising to my face. And often,

I realized I was holding my breath, bracing for an imaginary punch that would never land.

What’s wild is that most of these mental duels weren’t even about the present moment. They were old battles, sometimes decades old, looping on repeat in my mind. I’d get stuck in the same tired script, recycling past conflicts with my siblings, my mom, my spouse—occasionally even a former boss.

It’s exhausting.

The real wake-up call came during my first silent meditation retreat in 2007. Eight days of silence, and my mind did not get the memo. For the better part of a week, I sat in an invisible courtroom, arguing with people who weren’t there. It wasn’t until the final days that I realized I could step back and watch it all unfold—like sitting in a movie theater, observing the madness rather than being consumed by it. And most importantly, I could choose to stop.

This morning, it happened again. Same person, same old script. But this time? Thirty seconds in, I caught it, laughed out loud, and let it go. A huge win.

So, what do we do about it?

Breaking the loop isn’t easy, but it is possible. Here’s what helps:

1. Desire to be aware – The first step is simply recognizing when you’re looping. You can’t change what you don’t see.

2. Pause – Take a breath. Create a little space between you and the runaway thought.

3. Choose to stop – Simple, but not easy. The moment you realize you have a choice, you reclaim your power. You can let the old battle fade away rather than fuel it with more mental energy.

We are strange, complex beings. And if we slow down enough to really look at what’s going on inside, it’s almost comical how much time we spend rehashing stories that no longer serve us.

But here’s the truth: Life is too precious to waste energy in these mental battlegrounds.

This work isn’t for the faint of heart, but it is the path to freedom. And that freedom? 

It’s worth everything.