The Hidden Response—Fawning

I know this one in my bones.

The people-pleaser.

The harmonizer.

The one who keeps the peace

Growing up as the youngest in a volatile household, this role came naturally to me. I became the glue. The calm in the storm. The one who could read the room and smooth the edges before things got sharp. At the time, it felt like a gift—a survival strategy that worked. But over time, I’ve come to see that what helped me feel safe as a child became something else entirely as an adult: a trauma response so deeply ingrained, it was nearly invisible.

We often talk about trauma responses in terms of the big three: Fight, Flight, or Freeze. Makes sense when you picture being chased by a mountain lion on a trail (very close to home for me!!). The body kicks into high alert: heart races, muscles tense, and you're ready to fight, flee, or freeze. The problem is, our nervous system doesn’t always differentiate between a predator in the wild and a tense boardroom conversation. The same survival patterns can hijack us in moments that require thoughtful leadership, steady presence, and courage.

But there’s a fourth trauma response—Fawning—and it deserves a spotlight.

Fawning is when we go into appeasement mode: smoothing things over, avoiding conflict, saying “yes” when we mean “no,” or shrinking ourselves to keep others comfortable. In leadership, it might look like glossing over real tension in a team, absorbing blame that isn’t yours to carry, or not voicing that idea because you're worried it might rock the boat.

This response is incredibly common—especially among leaders who care deeply about people. But let’s be clear: constantly keeping the peace at the expense of truth isn’t leadership. It’s exhaustion. And it can become enabling, even disempowering to others.

So, how do we shift?

Step One: Awareness.

We can’t change what we’re not aware of. That’s why I’ve been paying close attention lately—not just to what I say or do, but to what I feel in the moment.

When I start noticing tension in my chest, a tight jaw, or that I’m holding my breath—that’s my cue. Am I feeling fear? Nervousness? Am I about to default into one of my old patterns?

Here’s a gentle reminder: your body is wise. It will always tell you when you’re about to go into survival mode. And from that awareness, we can choose a new response—one that’s rooted in presence, not protection.

Which one is your go-to?

Fight, Flight, Freeze… or Fawn? Maybe you dance between them depending on the situation.

Whatever your pattern, there’s nothing wrong with you. These are simply old strategies doing their best to protect you. But we’re not in survival anymore—we’re here to lead, to live fully, to speak truth, and to create spaces where real transformation can happen.

And that starts inside of you.

With awareness.

With compassion.

With breath.

Together, we can lead from a place that’s grounded and true—not reactive or afraid.

With Heart,