The Quiet Work of Knowing Yourself

My life looks drastically different today than it did when I was raising three little ones, working full time, and training for ultramarathons.

Back then, I was in the thick of it — running, quite literally, from one thing to another. I would squeeze in a grocery run during my lunch break, then drive over 100 miles making sales calls, finish my workday, and somehow still lace up my running shoes for five miles before picking up the kids from daycare.

I was busy. Very busy.

At times, I felt like I was drowning, yet there was also a part of me that loved it. Being busy gave me a sense of meaning. Importance. Identity. And if I’m honest, our culture rewards that pace. We are conditioned from a young age to move quickly, achieve more, check the boxes, and keep going.

But there’s something interesting about that frantic pace of doing. It can become a façade. When we are constantly moving, producing, solving, scheduling, and achieving, we rarely have time to slow down enough to ask deeper questions. We don’t have time to really look inward, to examine our choices, or to question the systems we’re operating inside of. Busyness can become one of the most socially accepted distractions.

Today, as I sit at my desk on this quiet snowy afternoon, I find myself in a very different phase of life. My children are grown. The daily responsibility of caring for them has softened into something lighter, more of an advisory role and friendship. It's sweet and a shift. My work in the world no longer requires the hustle and travel that once defined it. Instead, I can shape my days at a pace that feels aligned with who I am becoming, choose who I want to work with or not, create my own hours, and decide how much energy I put into projects. 

Slowing down in this way and creating this kind ot freedom can feel surprisingly uncomfortable and unfamiliar. I fall into old habits of the past. There are days when I catch myself wanting to fill my calendar with meetings, tasks, and projects simply because stillness feels strange. The old conditioning quietly whispers:  productivity equals worth.

The ghost of the old pace still visits from time to time. Why? Because we have been trained to be doers. Task masters. Producers. I see it all around me, but I chose not to be there anymore. Instead, I am spending more time going inside in self-discovery- not always easy. 

I’m not one to sit on the couch scrolling social media all day — that’s not my nature. My version of slowing down looks different. It means walking in nature to calm my nervous system. Sitting in meditation and breathwork. Writing. Reading. Reflecting. Being with me.

And honestly, what I see is that is the biggest fear of all. 

For the first time in decades, I’m giving myself the gift of time to get to know myself more deeply. And that process is not always easy. When the noise quiets, things surface. The habit of constant productivity. The discomfort of not knowing what to do next. The subtle addiction to being busy. The part of me that likes drama, to fight, to have conflict in my life. Yes its true. There is the ugly dark side that is part of us too- that we rarely peek behind the curtain to see. But we need to know all parts of ourselves. 

Then the real question becomes: Can I simply be with myself?

Most people avoid that question. Not many people sign up for a silent meditation retreat to sit in silence for a week — truly alone with themselves. No talking. No reading. No writing. No phones. No distractions. Just you and your own mind. It's humbling.

But the truth is, we are always with ourselves.

From the moment we enter this world until the moment we leave it, we are in a relationship with ourselves every single day. Yet many of us spend our lives avoiding that relationship. Maybe because we are afraid of what we might discover, the truth. Maybe because slowing down requires honesty and acceptance. 

In this season of my life, I am learning to nurture that relationship with myself. To see clearly the parts I love and dont love. The parts that still need healing and my attention.  To accept the contradictions, the strengths, the imperfections.

To be honest about who I am.

And maybe — just maybe — one of the quiet purposes of life is exactly that.

To truly know ourselves.

Not the roles we play.Not the productivity we generate.Not the titles we carry.

But the deeper essence of who we are beneath all of that.

I sometimes imagine looking back thirty years from now and realizing something simple and beautiful. That I am still me. With thirty more years of experience, growth, mistakes, and wisdom, yet the same core essence that has always been here.

Perhaps the real journey of life isn’t becoming someone else. It’s remembering who we’ve always been.

So today I invite you to pause for a moment.

If the busyness of your life quieted… even just a little…What might you discover about yourself?

Stay curious,