Your True North Star

Before you read below, take a breath and a pause…I would love to hear from you! How are you doing?

Most people think their North Star is a goal. Success. Getting married. Having kids. Building a business. Writing the book. Buying the house. Finally arriving at some future destination where they believe they will feel fulfilled, peaceful, or enough. We mix the North Star that guides us with our goals. 

I understand that because I spent years chasing goals myself. Much of my life was driven by achievement, accomplishment, and striving toward the next thing. When I finally, after 21 years, got the “VP” title, I thought I had made it, but had I really?  There was more pressure, more work, and more expectations inside of me and also from others. While goals can absolutely be beautiful and meaningful, I’ve come to realize something deeper over the years: those things are not actually the North Star. They are experiences. They are part of the journey, but they are not the deeper compass guiding our lives.

The real North Star is much simpler and much more profound. It’s a question we can ask ourselves over and over throughout the day in every interaction, every meeting, every decision, every conversation, every email, every response:

Am I coming from love?

Because when we are not coming from love, we are almost always coming from fear in one of its many disguises.

Fear rarely walks into the room announcing itself. It shows up as worry, control, anger, judgment, defensiveness, scarcity, people pleasing, proving ourselves, or the need to be right. Fear wears many costumes, and most of us don’t realize when we’ve slipped into it. Trust me, I have slipped into all of these variations very unconsciously for most of my life! 

 In the Energy Leadership work I love to share, love, compassion, openness, trust, curiosity, and responsibility live above the line.

Fear in all its forms lives below it. The interesting thing is that most people think they are simply stressed, busy, or trying to manage a situation when in reality they are operating from fear energy underneath it all. 

I catch this in myself all the time. If I am rushing, trying to control an outcome, irritated at someone, worrying excessively, or grasping for certainty, I know I have drifted away from my own North Star. The beautiful thing is that awareness allows me to return. Not perfectly and not instantly, but consciously. It's getting behind the north star to clearly see where the intention is coming from, which shows you if you are coming from love or fear. 

Imagine if, before every important conversation, we paused and asked ourselves, Am I coming from love right now? Do you want to get the person on the other side to see your point of view and do what you desire in a kind and loving way with curiosity, or using command and control and manipulation? Be honest here- we all slip sometimes! 

Your North Star is not outside of you. It isn’t waiting somewhere in the future once you finally achieve enough. It is the energy from which you choose to live your life right now. The practice is simply this: pause more often, notice your energy, and gently ask yourself:

Am I coming from love?

With heart,